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Week 47-How can I be a really good lover?

July 17, 2009

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It’s not technique – it’s chemistry.

Once you feel that chemistry – you’re almost there. Then find out what your lover’s sexual likes are.

Being a good lover is all about getting to know what your partner desires and how her/his body responds sexually. People respond differently to stimulation, to touch, to movement. What one person likes might not work for someone else.

Some starting points: A  good, lasting, sensuous kiss is vital. Being able to use your lips and tongue to tell your partner how much you desire her or him will set the stage.  It brings on desire and can be the start of a great sexual or love relationship. Go ahead – -hit it out of the park with a passionate kiss your lover won’t forget.

Finding a way from gently touching the eye lids to massaging the neck and shoulders can heighten relaxation and create a sexual connection that arouses. Find erogenous spots … enjoy her or his body … watch how your lover responds … let your lover touch and find the places where your body responds … relax, go slow, and be in that very moment.

Communicate about what might be more arousing, if they are enjoying themselves.  Listen to the answers and be willing to answer questions like that yourself.  How else can you find out?  Be attentive at times when you are not in the throes of sex or love-making – let your lover know you have been thinking about her/him. Have conversations about sex when you are not having sex.  Talk about what you liked, what you’d like to do next, other ways that can turn you on, and what you’d like to try next. Talk about it!

Remember – being a good lover with one person doesn’t mean you will be a good lover for someone else.  Each new partner will respond similarly to some things and differently to others.  Start with the kiss.

Planned Parenthood of northern New England’s Education Department carefully selects all weekly questions. All questions are actual inquiries made to PPNNE by college-aged students.

Should you have a question you would like to see included, please send an email to goddess@ppnne.org

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One comment

  1. All good advice that goes out the door when it comes to a sex addict who has sex with just about anyone to satisfy his addiction to instant gratification.



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